I hate your face
so explain again why im purple
no
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
