We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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