I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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