you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
