i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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