It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
