Someone shit on the floor
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
