I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She bit a glass in half.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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