I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
