The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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