That's intense
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
