Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
