I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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