I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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