Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
