I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
