Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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