I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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