I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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