Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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