new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
accomplished twins. life is a go
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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