Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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