sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
