I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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