Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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