He had one of those small greek statue penises
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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