the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
