woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
