My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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