so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
