Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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