mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
