One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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