my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
