I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
