Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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