So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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