You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
