In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
