I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
