She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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