at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
