It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
