I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
