that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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