im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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