I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
