apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
