I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize