strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize