just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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