I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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