Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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