Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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