That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
