Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
