Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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