i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
