Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
