I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
