i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
