evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
