So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
