i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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