Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
