either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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