It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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