no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
