If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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