:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
