I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
