Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
