Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
