so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
