I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
